Don't look now, but we're being followed. You can't miss him - he's ten meters tall, made of rock, and goes by the snappy name of 2009 BD. Oh, and he's hanging six hundred thousand kilometers above your head.
This might sound like a scary Stone of Damocles but you can let Bruce Willis sleep in - it's much more of an oddity than a threat. 2009 BD was spotted earlier this year (no points for having worked that out), trailing Earth in almost the same orbit and at most a tenth of an Astronomical Unit away. Since we're only 1 AU from the Sun, and that's a fair sight bigger, we should be fine. There's absolutely no chance of the thing actually hitting us since even if it comes closer it'll be on course for a gravitational slingshot away again. For now its odd little orbit, swinging round the sun while under Earth's influence as well, is a useful astronomical study for scientists.
Our new buddy BD is a great cross-over between science and philosophy. We're studying it because it's interesting, and it's interesting entirely and only because it's close to us. The solar system has millions of rocks floating around the place, it's just that this one understands "location location location", moving downtown to the only place with some nightlife. Or day life, come to that.
Of course, we at the Daily Galaxy know better. It's a small signal coming close to an inhabited area, and the experts have dismissed it as no threat. So the only question is whether it contains evil alien eggs, a probe from an evil empire, or some kind of frozen Kryptonian killer. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen, just be ready to collect and spend your winnings really quickly.