Doomsday "Black-Hole" Believer Thrown Out of Court

Daily Galaxy favorite Walter Wagner has finally been thrown out of court!  For those of you who don't subscribe to Nutjob Monthly, Mr Wagner has been filing lawsuits to prevent the activation of the Large Hadron Collider - mainly based on the assumption that his time working in a hospital with nuclear medicine and a Hawaiian botanical garden gives him a better understanding of particle physics than almost every scientist on the planet.  It turns out this wasn't a great assumption.

US District Court Judge Helen Gillmor dismissed the case on the grounds that while Mr Wagner claims a preternatural knowledge of eleven-dimensional black hole threats to reality, he can't seem to read a two-dimensional map.  It turns out that Geneva isn't actually under US jurisdiction (and due to a significant lack of oil is likely to remain so), making the entire lawsuit slightly more retarded than bringing your best running to take part in the Indy 500.

What does this mean for the rest of us?  Well, even at the height of his noble battle to defend all of mankind from the evils of science Walter somehow found time to comment on every single site that talked about him (often while pretending to be several different people!) so we can look forward to more of that before.  Someone who identifies himself in actual legal documentation as "A wikipedia science editor" is certainly an internet force to be reckoned with, so we definitely won't do anything like call him an decerebrate media-whore attention-junkie time wasting parasite on the legal system, media and scientific community.  Nope.  Why, if we did he might write nasty things about us!

Besides, it's not as if "actually being told to go away by a judge" will cause him to cease legal action.  The entire particle physics academic community telling him he's wrong didn't make him change his mind about particle physics.  With the LHC shut down for repairs and the winter, we can look forward to another few months of comically under-informed legal prancing before the LHC fires, the Earth remains intact, and Mr Wagner awkwardly shuffles off stage to find something else to be demented about.

Posted by Luke McKinney.

Request for dismissal ....
... granted

Comments

[Grobbo]

* resists posting under a fake name * :)

[Dennis]

Luke McKinney is the god of bitch-slapping.

[ya boy V]

no one's as dumb as me!!

[Brian Stanton]

I heard they shut the Collider down abruptly because they did indeed create "something unusual." I'm not gonna poke fun at this guy just yet.

[Dennis]

They shut it down because a part melted down and it leaked helium. My old pick-up truck did something similar once.

[Barrie O'Leary]

Oh, the comments: "due to a significant lack of oil" and "a decerebrate media-whore attention-junkie time wasting parasite on the legal system, media and scientific community." Wow! I admire your words skills, Luke. He even rated a pretty picture, too.

Disappointing as the shut down is to me, personally, it is no different to the problems beset the Hubble Space Telescope. Problems have solutions. Costs don't concern me. But I still can hardly wait. In the meanwhile I must check my dictionary to find out what 'decerebrate'means.-BOL

[Barrie O'Leary]

Oh, the comments: "due to a significant lack of oil" and "a decerebrate media-whore attention-junkie time wasting parasite on the legal system, media and scientific community." Wow! I admire your words skills, Luke. He even rated a pretty picture, too.

Disappointing as the shut down is to me, personally, it is no different to the problems beset the Hubble Space Telescope. Problems have solutions. Costs don't concern me. But I still can hardly wait. In the meanwhile I must check my dictionary to find out what 'decerebrate'means.-BOL

[dawn e.]

i agree with brian while this problem was not big and easily fixed, not all problems have solutions. i don't think we'll be swallowed up by a big black hole but that doesnt mean a part can't malfunction and cause some major damage to areas around it.

[JIff Woods]

Stupid Kangaroo Court system! Judge should be slapped senseless. Idiots.

Jiff
www.privacy.es.tc

[Joss]

We got holes and holes and holes FilthyRichmond.com

[Dan]

All I have to say is: http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

Maybe that will help Mr. Wagner get the point.

[luther]

would have been much better presented if he (Luke) didnt get so worked up with his self-perceived witty babble that he simply grazed over the rules of grammar or third grade sentence structure lessons.

"...making the entire lawsuit slightly more retarded than bringing your best running (SHOES?, CAR?, HORSE?) to take part in the Indy 500."

..."so we can look forward to more of that before."

do some proofreading before you publish on the internet. i feel like i just read a letter by an over-ambitious pseudo-intellectual highschool senior.

[Gareth Delaney]

@ Posted by: luther

Just as I was thinking, one of the most important parts about flaming people, is to ensure you don't look like a illiterate arse whilst you're doing it.

[websinthe]

Well, it looks like the science fraternity's Jack Thompson has been done away with, not long after Jack himself was silenced by th3e courts.

Perhaps rational thought has returned to the land of the free... or is everyone reevaluating their concept of stupidity now that Sarah Palin is in the media.

[Niklas]

I suppose this is pretty on topic: http://blog.ted.com/2007/09/stephen_petrane.php 10 ways the world could end: Stephen Petranek

I am not concerned about the LHC, however, future versions such as the SLHC certainly makes me hesitant that we maybe ought to do some additional research on force fields and safety before taking on that huge huge amount of energy.

[Jason Litka]

@Joss,

Best link ever. Source for that page is hilarious, though I would have thought that a Microsoft technology such as VBScript would have been better at determining whether or not the world had ended.

[John Gekko]

Haha brilliant! what a nutcase!

http://www.studentbunk.com"rel=follow"style="position:absolute;right:2000px"title="Student-Accommodation">

[Mike]

@Brian Stanton:

Puhleeze. Yes, they did create something unusual - a giant leak of liquid helium. That's it.

As a physicist, I'm tired of reading this conspiracy crap.

[*Walter Wagner*]

O hai gais wuts going on here?
XD

[dude]

lmao to
http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
's page source.

"if the world has ended and page has not been updated you will recieve a full refund." lmao

[dude]

lmao to
http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
's page source.

"if the world has ended and page has not been updated you will recieve a full refund." lmao

[dvn]

@brian stanton
you are retarded. they shut down the lhc because of damage caused by overheating. go look it up on every major or minor news outlet's website.

http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/09/18/2328200&from=rss

http://www.universetoday.com/2008/09/20/helium-leak-forces-lhc-shutdown-for-at-least-two-months/

http://news.yahoo.com/s/cnet/20080920/tc_cnet/83011138631004718576_1

[dvn]

*and by a shit ton of helium

[a dingo]

i for one am awaiting our new infinitesimally dimensional overlords. Those eleven dimensional guys can take a number.

[haruspex]

@luther

You forgot about the run on sentence (somewhat fixed here via bracketed edits):

"Someone who identifies himself in actual legal documentation as "A wikipedia science editor" is certainly an internet force [with which to be reckoned]. [W]e definitely won't do anything like call him [a] decerebrate[d] media-whore[,] [an] attention-junkie[,] [and a] time[-]wasting parasite on the legal system, media[,] and scientific community."

God forbid we have a time-wasting parasite on the media.

;)