AutoCooker: Car Killing Ray Gun

Prepare to fire retro-jets and set faces to stunned, because the Buck Rogers future of Ray Guns is here. But these futuristic phasers aren't targeted on Ming the Merciless - they're zapping your Honda Civic.

Researchers at Eureka Aerospace have realised that the standard response to a dangerous driver who refuses to stop, that of chasing him at similar speeds with more cars, leaves a lot to be desired, and that while shooting a fleeing vehicle until it fireballs into an awesome 720 slow-mo spin is a lot less fun in real life than in the movies. For one thing, anybody close enough to count as 'audience' is going to be too busy with injury/trauma to really appreciate the authentic special effects.

Instead they're applying a high tech solutions to the simple concept of "Make bad car stop now". Directing a high power electromagnetic pulse at the offending vehicle can cook its electronics and cause it to roll to a halt, without all the exciting/hazardous changes of direction and speed of other methods of convincing a car to stop moving. A fifty nanosecond burst of microwave radiation passes harmlessly through the occupants but fries the electronics of the engine, lobotomising the car and stopping it in a slow, sedate manner you will never see Bruce Willis employ.

Despite assurances that the technology does not harm humans, scientists are concerned that the most accurate clock to date (a laser-based attosecond clock - that's accurate to one quintillionth of a second, and yes that is a real word) may not be able to measure the interval between the first use of this device and the first lawsuit to scream "Pregnant mother blasted by car-killing radiation". The only casualties of this device will be any other electronics running in the target vehicle - so if you're playing PSP while fleeing the police, you can kiss that savegame goodbye. Also, we'd like to congratulate you for escaping from Jack Thompson's imagination and into the real world.

After successful trials in Los Angeles, the inventors are working on reducing the size and cost of the device for use in the field. Another improvement will be the addition of a light source so that targets know they're about to have their vehicles scrapped and have the option to pull over peacefully. The damage inflicted by the HPEMS (High Power Electro Magnetic System - amazingly original name) is permanent, and you might notice that your car doesn't have "spare electronics" next to the tire in the trunk. You've already been caught - do you really want to take your sweet ride with you?

Posted by Luke McKinney.

Car cooker
Eureka Aerospace
Attosecond clock