Invasion By Hostile Aliens & 7 Other Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen)

In his hilarious and brilliant satire, "The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen)," Michael Swaim outlines a future that promises to be so wondrous and terrifying that it will exceed even the furthest reaches of the human imagination. But this is not saying much, he adds, "as the human imagination has really only been able to think up eight possible futures, including an Oppressive Totalitarian State, a Retro-Futuristic Utopia, A Sprawling Urban Hell-Slum. Our favorite at the Galaxy, of course, is number five, An Invasion by Hostile Aliens:

"Defining Features: Aliens that look like reptiles or insects; aliens that look exactly like humans, but turn out to be reptiles or insects in disguise; slime, goo and/or sludge; an unstoppable powerful extraterrestrial force whose scientific knowledge and military strength surpasses ours thousands of times over; the human race succeeding through sheer pluck, moxie, or dumb luck; the aliens either having a single glaring weakness, soft spot or incredibly imbecilic understanding of their own fundamental biology; an important lesson about the resilience of the human spirit.

"Origins: H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds first brought violent alien invasion into the minds and nightmares of children around the world, along with the guarantee that any such aliens would have some incredibly stupid weakness. Despite crashing down on Earth with super-robo octopi that shot heat lasers and just generally wrecked all our shit, the poor bastards were eventually done in by the common cold. Wells set the stage for future lame alien weaknesses like water in Signs and the screaming vacuum of space in Alien.

"See Also: Battlefield Earth, V, The Arrival, Ender's Game.

"Why it Will Never Happen: Because so far the only aliens technologically advanced enough to visit Earth seem primarily interested in abducting hicks and probing anuses. These poor creatures cross the vast emptiness of space only to crash their saucers in New Mexico and have no technology to avoid detection by farm folk with disposable cameras. The chances for a successful full-scale invasion do not appear to be strong."

Posted by Casey Kazan.

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